Written by Daz Burns

“We need to stop thinking there is a “perfect” to chase.

We need to stop with thoughts of “I should… be happy”.

We need to stop wishing life to hurry through the rough parts.”

 

“I hope I’m old before I die

I hope I live to relive the days gone by”

-Robbie Williams

 

4000 weeks, that’s it.

I read a book by Oliver Burkeman that highlights the undeniable fact that in your life, you get around 4000 weeks, and it was a real ‘smack you in the face’ reality check! 

More to the point of this kōrero, there is a theory about happiness and it all comes down to the letter “U”.

At the top of the U when you start writing it, that is you as a child.

At one of the highest peaks of happiness you’ll experience in your life.

Then, in theory, slowly but surely, you slip down the slippery “U” slope. 

Til you land in the proverbial depths of middle age. 

Where happiness apparently goes to die a miserable death.

Then, the curve starts going up the right hand side to finish the “U”.

Hope must start to tickle you down there at some point.

Because, you start free climbing up the side, struggling your ass off to get to the top.

Hopeful.

Year by year, slips, scrapes, accidents and stress make the climb harder and harder. 

All so you can be “happy again”. 

Profusely happy.

Like everyone else.

Because they look like they have happy days, everyday.

And you feel like you keep getting smacked with a broom. 

But the truth to that observation is that everyone has things going on.

We just don’t know. 

And we don’t talk.

We don’t share truths.

We share false images and pretenses. 

Fearing judgment. 

So we become more isolated.

But, according to the theory, you get better with age. 

And near the end of your life, your happiness peaks.

You shine once more. 

 

You had to know I was going to call bullshit right?!

People say there is not much to be excited about when you turn 40.

I not so politely beg to differ.

And here is my straight-up reason.

 

I have lost too many beautiful friends too young. 

Too young.

They would have given anything.

Anything.

To turn 40. 

To face the shitty challenges we face.

To live loudly. 

To grow old totally ungracefully alongside people they love.

 

It is time to shift our perspective whānau.

It is time to live forward and make the most of your life, however you want to do it!

 

We find ourselves bitching about being stuck in traffic each day like it is the worst thing that could ever happen to us.

Something out of our control. 

Something so minimal in the scheme of life. 

But, what would my friends have given to be stuck in that traffic an extra day? 

Anything.

 

We often talk about above and below-the-line behaviours. 

Or growth mindset vs. fixed mindset.

Or red mind vs. green mind. 

But however you want to look at it, you need to work on your ability to recognise when your thinking or behaviour is sending you below the line and find ways to lift yourself back above the line. 

This can be done through journaling, reflecting, checking in with how you are feeling physically and mentally, talking to others in honest conversations or doing things you know help lift your mood or mind. 

 

Life isn’t easy.

It’s not always “Phoebe running in the park” happy.

But your midlife doesn’t have to be “Bart Simpson in a well” miserable either.

 

We need to stop competing against others.

We need to stop comparing ourselves.

We need to stop with the ridiculous expectations. 

We need to stop thinking there is a “perfect” to chase.

We need to stop with thoughts of “I should… be happy”.

We need to stop wishing life to hurry through the rough parts.

 

It takes work. 

It takes perseverance.

It takes you making choices every single day to show up.

It takes awareness that happiness is NOT A GOAL.

It takes knowledge that happiness is an emotion. 

 

Emotions are transient, they come and go.

Just like life’s challenges, failures and struggles. 

Ebbs and flows are part of this gnarly ride of life!

We need to feel all the feels.

They are natural.

Don’t fight them.

Expect the changing emotions. 

 

Aging is a privilege not afforded to everyone. 

Not everyone gets 4000 weeks. 

So live unapologetically, in any of the feels you feel. 

 

“I hope I’m old before I die

Well, tonight I’m gonna live for today

So come along for the ride

I hope I’m old before I die”

-Robbie Williams