Written by Daz Burns
Kia ora, my name is Daz, I am many things, but if I was only to explain myself with a snippet from my Motherhood journey, it would look a little like this…
1999 (14 years old) – horrible birth video shown in a science class that put me off EVER wanting a baby to be put in my body or for one to EVER have to find the exit door.
Pregnant.
Anxious.
36 hour labour ending with an emergency forceps delivery, an episiotomy and tearing.
Healthy baby boy 2013.
Contracted clostridium difficile (went undiagnosed for months).
Massive rehabilitation and recovery from delivery.
Referred to Waikato Family Centre and Mothercraft for support.
Constant pain.
Unable to breastfeed.
Pregnant (watching rugby world cup, decided Richie or Brodie would be the babies name).
Got a new job at a brand new school.
Miscarriage 2015.
Guilt, what did I do wrong?
Pregnant.
A 20 week scan identified something wrong with the baby’s brain (possible tumor or brain bleed).
Fear.
Elective c-section at 38 weeks.
Baby boy whisked off for testing as soon as he exited the sunroof.
Healthy baby boy 2017.
Unable to breastfeed.
Postnatal depression.
Ongoing pelvic floor issues.
Baby boy possible learning difficulty later in life.
Pregnant.
Aggressive ‘contractions’ from 33 weeks and a lot of hospital time.
Elective c-section at 37 weeks.
Healthy baby girl 2018.
Breast fed.
Endometriosis became unbearable.
Hysterectomy 2021.
Care for our Mum’s shouldn’t just start from when she becomes pregnant!
It shouldn’t.
Nor should care for our Mum’s just start when the baby comes out of our bodies.
It’s too late.
Care for our Mum’s
Care for our Mum’s should be right from how we educate our tamariki throughout their schooling.
Care for our Mum’s should be workplaces caring for our pregnant wahine.
Care for our Mum’s should be there when they return to mahi after having maternity leave.
Care for our Mum’s should be evident throughout raising their child.
Care for our Mum’s should be constant as they transition children moving out of home.
Care for our Mum’s should be in place for when miscarriages and other grieving situations occur.
Care for our Mum’s should be in place for when they become Grandmothers.
2017
2017 was where the trajectory of my life really moved off any perceived course I thought I was on.
I was in pain for almost the whole pregnancy from the ongoing pelvic issues of our first son’s birth.
I was anxious that after having a miscarriage that it could happen again.
I was scared for our child that he was in pain in utero with what the scan showed in his brain.
I worried about what our lives would be like when he joined our whānau and then felt guilty for worrying about that.
I was SO grateful that he came out safely and was a healthy, gorgeous, and hungry young man.
But then, the wheels fell off, I bottomed out and I am not sure what I was.
Still, to this day.
I look at photos.
I see the bull shit smiles.
I remember the horrible moods.
I remember the “I’m ok, nothing is wrong” yarns I used to spin.
I remember the pelvic pain becoming unmanageable when I got my period.
I am still so sad for her.
I am still so sad for her family.
My family.
They must have wondered if I had been replaced by an emotionally volatile alien!
Your reminder to check in
Anywho.
Every single month should be about caring for our women, in whatever stage of the motherhood journey they are on.
If you are a boss, have a look at how you care for your women at work.
Check in with a Mum today.
Better yet, first, check in with yourself today.
And, if there is something you need, be it a break, a piece of cake, a massage, a check up at the doctor, a shoulder, some exercise, or a deep belly laugh.
Do it.
Get it done.
Take care of you.
And invite another Mum to join you.
Care for you should be part of your day, every single day.
Ps. Though how I introduced myself at the start sounds harrowing, horrible and stressful (and all of that is true and part of me and my motherhood experience), I want to note that my motherhood journey is not defined by those things.
It is defined by the fact that I have had an amazing support team who have never let me feel like I was in this hood alone.
Ever.
And it is defined by my three gorgeous babies who I will be grateful for every single day of my life.
